It's not the surfing life for me

I've tried, honestly I've given it my all, bought the surfboard , the wet suit, the rash relief, Dr. Zog's sex wax and given it a good go. It's probably as much of my not going out more than once a month as it is my ineptness but I just can't surf. Oh, I've gotten up a few times, sure, rode a teeny tiny wavelet into shore twice but I got so knocked around in "moderate" surf yesterday that I think it's time to take out the boogie board, fins and my Ewa-Marine camera enclosure and do what I know won't give me whiplash because I am sore today and I have a whole new set of bruises that look like, well, like I got beaten about my legs and arms with a surfboard. So now it's time to hope for some better than moderate surf and get Mike out with his friends and actually have some fun getting wet.